Coffee strength is generally rated 1-5. The packaging rates this, Spinal Tap style, at 6. They are not lying.

I’ve been feeling thoroughly shitty today after coming down with some bug or another, and after having slept pretty much all day (and feeling a bit better) I decided to have a wander to the shops to pick up some pasta and sauce for dinner.

While I was at the ever-exclusive Holloway Road Morrisons, I noticed this monolith of hypertension hiding in the coffee aisle.  They seem quite convinced of its effects, and it would be remiss of me not to take them up on their challenge.

Well, it’s definitely a bitter blend.  After brewing in the cafetiere for five minutes (the espresso machine confuses and infuriates us) and shovelling an entire small country’s worth of sugar in, I proceeded to do the only rational thing and necked a large mug of it.

OH GOD NOT ENOUGH SUGAR

You will observe, to the left, my face.

Seriously, if the spoon isn’t standing up in a mug of this, well, caffeine soup, then you need to stick more sugar in.

After getting over the sheer world-ending bitterness, I sat back and waited for the inevitable caffeine-based punch in the face.  And in this, it did not disappoint.  As is normal for coffee, it’s quite a slow buildup, but in this case the buildup just doesn’t seem to stop.  It’s a miracle that I can type, really.  On the upside, I feel a lot better.

So, to sum up, what we have here is both a cure for manflu and a great big arrhythmia party, to which your heart is the guest of honour.